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Children are the greatest joy and the greatest challenge in a parent’s life. This is true for all parents, but especially applies to the stay at home mom. The day-to-day toil of keeping a house, maintaining schedules, and dealing with life’s little emergencies can be overwhelming. Not all moms will admit they have moments when they want to walk out the door and never come back, but most have felt some kind of angst as they meet the demands of their position.
It is possible for a parent to deal with the loss of patience as the head ache hits and the tension rises. There are ways to identify the oncoming emotional storm, and tame it. The aware individual can work around the tension and maintain parental dignity. Like most positive interpersonal skills, dealing with children during stress is a learned skill. There is no easy answer, but there are steps to follow that can lead a parent into a calm state that will help the entire family to cope with the difficult moment. The following suggestions can help.
1. Learn to identify your physical signs of stress. Is there a warning sign that you are at the breaking point. Does your stomach ache, head pound, hands shake, or do you find yourself fidgeting before you explode. The next time you find yourself in extreme stress try to think of signals that your body gives you to let you know it is overloaded. Generally, a person will have such signs and becoming aware of these is the first step toward controlling your reaction to your child, or any stressful situation.
2. When you have identified that an explosion is imminent, take action before you are overwhelmed. This action can be something different for everyone. Sometimes lifting weights will take the edge off the tension. Aerobic exercise, creative visualization, writing in a journal, cleaning the house, taking a shower, or accomplishing a small task that will take 5 or less minutes to complete.
3. Plan for the next time you think you may lose control. Think up a couple of activities that might be helpful when the stress is rising, and make sure these activities are accessible at all times. Sometimes exercise seems out of reach with children around, but climbing up and down the stairs can be a wonderful release. Having options before the tension starts is of extreme importance,
4. Do not eat, drink coffee, or try to watch television. As the anxiety level rises, an outlet is needed. If a person indulges in an activity that is not absorbing and positive, the anxiety level rises.
5. Explain to the child that you need a time out. This popular discipline measure is understood by most children these days. A time out means you are out of control and need some time alone to think about how you can get along well with others. When you’re on the verge of exploding, that is exactly what needs to be done.
6. Allow your children to see that you are in tantrum mode. Children understand tantrums. If you lay on the floor, kick your feet, wave your arms, and yell that you cannot take it anymore, a child will understand that it is time to take care of you. Children can be very compassionate when they see that when you lose your temper, you feel just like they do.
7. Discuss how upset you are with your child. Exploring feelings may help the child to understand that your may yell, and storm around, but that does not mean they are to blame, or are unloved in any way.
8. Assemble a list of support people that you can call who will understand and support you when you cannot deal with the situation anymore.
9. If you are not able to control your temper and begin to hurt yourself, your children, or others seek help immediately.
10. Have activities outside of the house that are flexible and available. Going to a fast-food restaurant with a play area may give the respite needed at a moments notice.
11. Do not hesitate to apologize to your kids when you have lost the battle. Children will respect you more if you are able to admit that you were wrong and will try to be in control in the future.
These can be helpful, but are not to be considered in place of counseling. If a person finds themselves losing their temper frequently, breaking down into tears, or simply unable to cope with day to day demands there may be a condition that goes beyond parental stress, and a doctor or counselor should be consulted.
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